I had a terrible nightmare the other morning. It was in the arly morning hours, I had changed the time on the alarm clock to allow another 30 minutes of sleep. In that time I had, in a dream of course flown to California for a business/pleasure trip, and ran into some trouble with my boyfriend. I was dreaming that while I was busy at a business conference, he was making friends with another guest at the hotel and had invited her up to our room to continue the conversation they had started in the lobby. i walked into the room where he was having a conversation with this young blonde extremely attractive woman and his sister was there. So they were all engaged in a friendly chat. My boyfriend and the “new” girl were completely out of their heads intoxicated and flirting with each other as if I wasn’t even there. It was a terrible feeling I thought I was going to vomit. Instead, I stopped the conversation by saying that I was uncomfortable with the situation and the more my boyfriend acted like it was nothing and there was something wrong with me the more upset I got. I finally showed the girl out by saying I knew there was something else going on and I wasn’t going to stand for it any longer. I told her to get out and told my boyfriend that he could go too if he wanted. He refused and as I closed the door I yelled that she could wait for him to come to her room but he’d never find her because he’s as dumb as a door knob! I then turned to him and told him what I thought about his obviously cruel and disrespectful actions and I told him I was going out by myself. I wondered how’d he’d like that. I then started ignoring him and listening more to his brother. His brother was saying that he was a jerk for treating me like that but he just kept defending his position. I finally woke up from the dream to hear a baby kitten cry outside my window. My boyfriend was already dressed for work and he went outside to see if he could find it. he only got a quick look it was a little guy who was all black and had green eyes. If it wants a home I’ll take care of the little baby. I love kitties.

So that’s it for the dream pretty crazy huh?

May 13, 2008 I had a bad dream
I woke up this morning after having an incredibly lucid dream about an ex-friend. I had seen her while I was out running errands or getting some sort of service done, a pedicure or an oil change I really don’t remember what but I couldn’t remove myself from the situation because of the service being performed and instead I was forced to make eye contact. She looked at me as if I had done something horribly wrong to her and I quickly snipped back at her and said:
{Don’t look at me like I’m some evil person! You were the one that just stopped talking to to me after my divorce, you chose your “side” which I never forced you to do. It came naturally for you and that’s the end of it. You’re a fair weather friend and I don’t need that in my life. Just do me a favor and stop emailing my mother. Who do you think you are? You won’t talk to me but yet you’ll email my mother? Come on!}
The dream then gets a little violent because I slapped her in the face a couple times just to get my point across. She was crying and everything. I heard myself saying things that I couldn’t believe were coming out of my mouth even if it was a dream. I told her that I slapped her so that she would understand how hurt and angry I was. Like that’s a justification for hitting someone. I seriously couldn’t believe I was rationalizing my actions in the dream in that way.

Analysis:
I guess my subconscious mind really needed to let off some steam. I don’t really understand the whole getting a service done and not being able to avoid her but if I was analyzing it I’d say that the confrontation stems from my fear of running into these people that I am no longer friends with and how I would handle the situations.

Let me begin by establishing the fact that this post has nothing to do with pornography so click away now if that’s what you were expecting. Instead today I’d like to discuss my great displeasure with the female organ called uterus. I’ve come to dislike it very much. As a 33 year old woman suffering with endometriosis I feel compelled to write about my journey with the hope of reaching some other women that my research may help.
I have a great doctor but doctors don’t tell you everything, you always have to do your own research. I’ve been suffering for years but never knew what I was suffering from. I was finally diagnosed in June of 2006 and began hormone therapy. Unfortunately, I did not respond to the non-invasive treatment and ended up undergoing laparoscopic surgery in April 2007. After the surgery not much changed and I went back on the pill in August 2007, now I’m trying a new pill because the original pill didn’t help much either. So here I am on week one of new pill hoping that this will work and offer some relief to the pain and the otherwise really crummy irregularity that I’ve been experiencing for nearly 2 years. I recently started an exercise program and stopped smoking, in an effort to get really healthy I also started researching how diet and nutrition can affect endometriosis patients. WOW were my eyes opened, now I know why doctors might not tell us too much.  We’d all be hypochondriacs if we knew what they knew.
I’m not too happy to share that the diet is pretty restrictive. Don’t eat red meat, milk or cheese, stay away from fatty foods and anything processed and no refined carbohydrates etc. Just a small summary of what I saw I should stay away from due to the fact that the foods listed, either contain estrogen which is bad for an endometriosis patient or stimulate the prostaglandins that have a good side and a bad side the bad side increases inflammation and pain. Ouch! Of course I am paraphrasing the extensive research I’ve done but you get my drift. Things like plastics leech estrogen as well. I am just blown away and a little freaked out to say the least.
My mom and I were talking about how many syndromes and diseases seem to be increasing in the last 20 years. The number of children diagnosed with autism is at an all time high for example. We all know cancer might as well be today’s black plague and on top of it all we’ve got these subtle little things like misbehaving reproductive organs creeping in. So we talked about the worry and then my research basically supported the fact that all of the modern technology that goes into our food production and containers and the process in general has really negative effects on the body.
I read an article the other day that talked about soy containing harmful anti-nutrients because of the way soy is fermented and refined in the modern process (unlike the original Asian process). Oh I’m not supposed to eat any soy products either just for that reason, apparently the toxins found in soy products also contributes to pain and inflammation of the endometrial tissue. Oh and don’t heat anything up in the microwave that is in a plastic container!
On the one hand I want to abide by all the warnings and eat better so I can get my symptoms under control and hopefully get pregnant this year. Yet on the other hand I’m angry and discouraged because I feel like all the bad stuff is everywhere and all around me. I’ve done well to remove the things that I know for a fact aren’t healthy, like smoking but it’s become very clear to me how there are so many other environmental things affecting my health. And here I was thinking I had some control. What ever happened to the people who drank and smoked and still had healthy normal babies? Is it all hype? Tell me what makes you crazy and we’ll rant together. My next post will be about my job or my family or something I promise I won’t make you listen to my complaining uterus again. Ok I crossed my fingers on that promise!